A Scatological Query

I read recently that a man defecated in the stairwell at the Ludington Library in Bryn Mawr and it was captured on security video. I can honestly say that our university library does not have a brown bomber roaming the library. What was this man thinking? Were all the stalls occupied and it was do or die moment? I have done my fair share of diaper changes, kitty box cleanings, and backyard scooper patrol but I have no idea what I would do if I found a ‘lump of coal’ in the stairwell on my way up to pull a book. I don’t think library school covers this subject but perhaps it should. What should the course be called? 

Our library consists of three main floors as well as the lower level where I work and theology and philosophy are housed. The building was built in the 1970s and the architects poorly planned the restrooms. On the lower level patrons will find both male and female facilities. There are no restrooms on the main floor which in itself is strange but it gets stranger. The second floor only has a male restroom and you guessed it—the third floor only has a female restroom.  Even though our library has an odd restroom arrangement necessitating planning ahead for emergencies, our students and patrons manage to find their way to the correct facility without finding the need to drop his/her drawers in the stairwell.  

What about you? Have you had a stealthy or perhaps not so stealthy brown bomber? How was it handled or is the mysterious stranger still delivering packages?